Car People
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m experiencing an effect similar to the superpower that makes you notice every car on the road that is the same model as yours: everywhere I go I see Car People.
I know I’m not the only person doing this by choice, but I still sort of feel like I’m one of a very few taking the approach I’m taking. I still would like to look like a more-or-less normal kind of guy when I’m not in the car, and I’d like to be as unobtrusive as possible when I am. When I meet others like me, we’ll probably form a gang. A club, at least.
I’ve been trying to define the various types of Car People, mainly for fun, but partly because defining groups makes hatred easier. Bonus! In the interest of fairness, I’ll start with myself.
The Wannabe Kerouacs
The Wannabe longs for adventure and discovery and an escape from the chilling prospect of a life of servitude to some company he has no stake in, but isn’t quite committed enough to do something genuinely risky and adventurous, like take off alone for a year in India.
Actually, I can’t even really claim Wannabe status. I’m still working for the same things I always was, I’m just more focused. I haven’t dropped out of anything except a lease. Still, there is intent here. On that note, to my well-meaning friends who say things like “just come crash on my couch until you find a place”: Stop. You’re missing the point. The fact that I am often unable to articulate the point in no way excuses you.
The Goddamned Idiots
It’s important to me to look (and be) as clean as possible throughout this whole project. Not so the Goddamned Idiots. If I give the impression of a guy with a lot of crap in his backseat, these guys remind you of some sort of vermin. If the world of Mad Max ever comes to be, these people will be the ones that the mohawk guys eat. I have seen a man climb out of a car that was so full of garbage that there was an imprint of his body in the junk surrounding the driver’s seat. Picture the safety foam in Demolition Man. I’ve seen car windows plastered with newspapers from towns that are now officially Historic Ghost Towns. I don’t know if they can’t help it or just don’t care, but these are the guys who pull in nuisance calls and screw everything up.
The Pros
If I saw this as anything other than a temporary project, these would the people I would aspire to be. The distinguishing characteristic of the Pros is that they have really nice RVs. Size doesn’t matter here, upkeep does. I don’t have any demographic data on the Pros, but I’ll tell you this: if you see a decent RV in a supermarket parking lot late of an evening, Pros live there.
The Hippies
I imagine that Hippies only show up in certain specialized areas, since the merciless pummeling of hippies is legal in many parts of the nation. In Los Angeles, the Hippies live in beach parking lots. Mainly Venice, but some in Santa Monica. They ride bikes and barbecue all day, then have dirty hairy orgies in their Technicolor Dreambuses all night. The Hippies are surprisingly rude.
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There are other types out there, but these are the only ones I’ve identified thus far. Nate keeps bugging me to get a camera, and when I do I’ll add photographic examples of the types listed here.